With 3% of Muslim Precincts Reporting

With 3% of Muslim Precincts Reporting

Photo: Saul Loeb/Reuters.

On October 9th, during a town-hall debate in St. Louis, Republican presidential nominee Donald J. Trump was asked a question about discrimination against Muslims in the US and other forms of Islamophobia. Part of his response included the important-when-taken-in-a-serious-security-context-but-often-very-overdone-and-assumptive admonition that Muslims in America must "report when they see something going on."

In no time, of course, Twitter exploded. #MuslimsReportStuff went viral, as the kids like to say, and with a humorous, sarcastic edge.

The following tweets were among my favorites from the competent and penetrating reportage done by Muslims during the debate—

  • I'm a Muslim, and I would like to report a crazy man threatening a woman on a stage in Missouri. — Moustafa Bayoumi (@BayoumiMoustafa)
  • I did laundry this morning but still haven't put it away. — Sana M (@sanamasuds)
  • My dad is taking a nap, I'll keep on watching him as Trump ordered. — Persian Rose (@PersianRose1)
  • Gremlins 2 is the rare sequel that completely deconstructs the franchise. For my money, it's better than the first. — Kumail Nanjiani (@kumailn)

Photo: Think Progress via AP.

For Mr. Trump, the Internet giveth and it taketh away.

But several of my shy, Twitter-averse Muslim friends have reached out to me. Each expressed a timidity given the atmospheric conditions in American culture and politics regarding Islam and Muslims. Additionally, a few of them remarked that they are unable to trust a social medium so beloved by a would-be president with obvious dictatorial tendencies.

They asked: Would I, a white male and member of the majority religious culture in the US (Protestant evangelical), be willing to post their tweets under my name and on my website? They reminded me that deflecting unnecessary attention from the FBI is always in their best interest.

Sure, I said, I'd be happy to gift the Internet with your concerned citizen reports.

Photo: Michael B. Thomas/AFP/Getty Images.

Here, then, are several tweets from a few American Muslims whose names and Twitter identities must remain classified.


  • #MuslimsReportStuff Campaign mgr Kellyanne Conway is consulting Saudi clerics on particular rules for providing male chaperones for women forced to be alone with DJT.


  • #MuslimsReportStuff Russian hacker emailed me. After Putin viewed "the Trump tape," he cracked a joke about putting Donald in prison with the band Pussy Riot.


  • #MuslimsReportStuff I'm the only Muslim Sean Hannity knows. He confided that Racism & Xenophobia called him at 3am feeling jilted over Sexism's media coverage.


  • #MuslimsReportStuff Had a Paul Ryan sighting. He was sitting on a wooden fence, in a severe state of disrepair, flanked by distressed posts named Condone and Endorse.


  • #MuslimsReportStuff Evangelical radio host Eric Metaxas set to replace William H. Macy in "Shameless." New season featuring loads of family dysfunction.


  • #MuslimsReportStuff Today I heard some fuzzy math. Pro-life Amer Xian = unborn child in Ohio > 6-year-old Syrian kid fleeing war, violence, or persecution.


  • #MuslimsReportStuff Merriam-Webster just issued this presser: "Please note distinction between 'dishonesty' and 'charlatanism.' Also see: 'false equivalency.'"


  • #MuslimsReportStuff Hi. There's been a hijacking of a religion in the name of ideology and power and what is perceived to be God's will. (Hint: Not Islam.)

First Reverberations

First Reverberations

Like My Friend Says

Like My Friend Says