A Day By Any Other Name

A Day By Any Other Name


As names go, "Inauguration Day" seems to err on the side of practicality or, more specifically, functionality. The name itself is beholden to a very literal description; it takes an otherwise identity-defining day in American history and essentially explains it routinely or straightforwardly.

This is the day during which this event will happen. How pedestrian!

Of course, naturally the day will feature plenty of pomp. Exactly one gazillion dollars worth of circumstance will be on display. And celebration and gravitas will both hail the day as theirs. But you certainly wouldn't know it from the name or title of the day.

All I'm saying is this: To blandly characterize a day that, in actuality, contains so much human, social, political and global import is, well, what's that adjective I'm looking for, a huuuge cultural offense. And make no mistake: I am genuinely offended.

Without further ado, then, here are my suggested alternative names for this particular version of Inauguration Day in the USA: January 20, 2017.

National Russia Appreciation Day

*Inspired by: computers; subterfuge; post-doping boredom

Bullies United for Equality Day

*Inspired by: power; fear; The Campaign to Rid Our Nation of the Scourge of Empathy

I, Too, Have a Dream Day (In Honor of Clayton Brigsby)

*Inspired by: Martin Luther King, Jr.; the alt-right; Dave Chapelle

Evangelicals for Faust Day

*Inspired by: the 81%; Mark 8:36; The Bargain of a Lifetime

Make America Get What She Deserves Day

*Inspired by: democracy; mirrors; the proverbial wisdom of Frank Underwood


Driving Us...

Driving Us...

How Still We See Thee Lie

How Still We See Thee Lie